messy

If anyone thinks that healing is one and done, then they have not truly had a trauma to walk through.Life is incredibly messy.People are imperfect- as much as we do not want to admit that.I have found through my writings that I write similar things, over and over. It is not because I didn’t experience healing from that particular event – it is because there was more than one trauma involved in it. While I healed from one part- I had not yet been able to heal from another part.A few years ago, I was able to meet and talk with Gabby Bernstein and she said something very powerful to me. She said that for many years I had disassociated from myself. I had not truly allowed myself to grieve. She encouraged me to lean into that grief just enough to truly feel it, then gently back away. Then when I was ready, do it again and again and again- allowing myself the grace to heal little by little.I think sometimes what we experience is so life changing it almost changes our DNA- who we are and how we look at and process life going forward. So, to go back to those moments and actually allow ourselves to feel it all over again is an incredible task.It is almost too much for most of us. Which is why I believe we are so into what I call “escapism”.We use alcohol, shopping, relationships even to numb the pain we refuse to face within ourselves.We become so “busy” in life- why? Because if we sit too long, and quiet ourselves things will naturally come to our heart that we need to address and face. I do not believe we can fully heal until we learn to rest.My healing journey has been a long one. It is far from done. But with every moment and every intention I put towards myself and leaning into what has caused so much pain, I am finally able to put the puzzle pieces of my heart back together.I think it is incredibly prideful to judge another’s walk in this life. You will never find me doing that. I believe we all do our best with what we know. Some of us seem to be more successful than others- but why compare? Comparison is by far the worst thing we can do. There is not one person in this life who has lived through EXACTLY what you have. Therefore- the only person to compare yourself to is yourself.Are you being kind to yourself? Are you being honest with yourself? Are you honoring your boundaries? Are you pursuing your goals? Are you taking time to truly heal yourself?Do not think that you are not healing because you still have certain things that trigger you. Know that being aware of the triggers is a huge sign that you indeed are more whole than you think. Do not set yourself up for failure and expect to never again feel the pain of the past- you are allowed to feel it. Just don’t let it define you. Don’t let it or anyone else define who you are.As someone has been known to say we are all a beautiful mess- perfectly imperfect.Love you all.